So I think I had too much Pepsi tonight with dinner and I can’t sleep, so instead of tossing and turning I figured I would say what has been on my mind the last few months. And yes there is some bitching going on. I don't really know where to start... lets go with work.
We all know how much I love my job. I work at a great place, with a few great people. I have fun and I know my job well. And yes I know I have complained about my job before, but thats mainly because I just didn't get the hours I feel I deserve. Well this last week was great, even got 1.3 hours over time. Can't complain there. So let me back track a bit before I complain. About a month or 2 ago I had to take a computerized learning for a new service. When asked later that day about what I thought of it, I told this person that I don't really care about it, it doesn't really effect my job specifically, and that I have a hard time caring and putting 110% into my job when I only get 8 hours a week. Well this person only took that as I don't give a rats ass about my job. Me and this person go way back, and the simple fact that they think that is horse shit. See, I used to work side by side with this person, and since they now have authority, they have turned into a dick. And now I feel they really have it out for me. Now fast forward a bit. My company recently opened a new position. Its a supervisor position that I think I would be great at. Its also a full time slot. I decided to go out for it, knowing that I probably wont get it. There is too much favoritism and politics in my store. Even as I turned in my application for the position, to that douche bag person mentioned, I was asked, whats this for? Thanks ass. I know how to supervise, I did it in the military for 3 years, and I know that I have more experience than the person who will probably get the job I want. But I also know that won't matter. I can see myself already getting angry knowing that I wont get it.
Speaking of jobs, there is a job fair on base this week that I am going to attend, I am hoping someone will pick me up and I can get a full time job, it would really help out. I have to move out soon and get my own place again, and the hours that work gives me are not steady enough for me to know for sure I can support myself. Its a shitty feeling.
Lets move on to something else, I am getting angry just thinking about it. A few months back I had decided to make some changes in my life, and for the most part I have kept all of them, a few others I am still working on. One thing was to try and stop making so many sexist jokes and stop hating women. Well I am learning more and more that with the exception of a very few, I really do. Not all women, but most I just can't stand anymore. They are bitches, crazy and really just all around piss me off. They are way too damn emotional, and you can never figure them out. Now I know every guy will agree and say you just gotta deal with it. Why? Why should I? Oh, thats right, because I am one hell of a guy and I want to find one of those women who are the exception. Many women say all the time, why are all the good guys taken? Well they are not, but I ask where are the women who want that guy? Now for something that will pretty much contradict everything I just said.
A few weeks ago a guy at church said something that has stuck with me and I keep thinking about it. He told about when he met his wife. He had said he had given up on finding someone to spend his life with, and he was completely content and happy with being single in every aspect of his life. And when he reached that point, he met the one for him. (Now I will get confusing) We all know that I am the kind of guy who wants to be with someone, I don't like being alone. Its a fear of mine, and I think that might be why I have only been in serious relationships with crazy bitches that now make me hate most women. And yes, I do still want that but this last 2 weeks I have loved being single. I have been a guy, and I have been the guy I want to be. I go to work, I go to school, I take care of business, and on my free time I do whatever the heck I want. I play video games. I watch movies, I re-live old fun times. I got home one night and decided I needed to have a guy night so I gathered the boys and got on XBL and drank myself stupid playing COD. It was amazing. I used to do that all the time and I had so much fun. Sadly now my body doesn't let me drink the way I used to. This last week I have played through a co-op game with one of my best friends and had the time of my life, laughed like mad and just enjoyed life. After that I would play with my other friends and just have a blast for hours at a time. All of that to say maybe I just need to start reaching the point where I am OK with being alone for the rest of my life and just enjoy the fact that I can be a gamer nerd and play whenever I want, and go and do what I want when I want.
There are a few, well not even enough to say few, women in my past that I think of and wonder if maybe I messed it up somehow. And that shit bugs me.
On the brighter side of things, I have a singer, well two actually and a small little cover band now. We played an acoustic set at a coffee shop last month and are doing another next month. I am loving this, we had so much fun, and just like playing video games, the guitar is a great outlet and stress relief for me. We are called Your New Favorite Band and its just me and 2 friends who just love to play and sing. Its amazing and too bad that all of you can not attend out shows because you would pretty much fall in love with us.
I still got family issues too, and at times I really don't know how to deal with it. See most of you know whats going on with Bama. I have all but written her off of my life completely only because of her son I have not. If it were not for the little guy I would never speak to that idiot again. I seriously feel hatred for her. I really do. But every once in a blue moon when I think about it and wonder what to do about it all, I wonder if I should just tell myself to accept it and get over it. For the sake of her son, and thats it. Its rare that I think that but it happens. I think I kinda just hope it will all blow up in her face soon and then I don't have to worry about it anymore, but I am a very impatient person. I know that there will never be a relationship with Bama again and honestly I really am OK with that. I kinda feel like a divorced man with a kid, I only talk to my ex for the sake of my child. Once again dumb ass women.
FUN NEWS TIME
I'm just saying, I got promoted. Its not official just yet, just waiting on paper work to go through now, but I am SSgt Meat Hammer. Its a pretty good feeling.
Its strange how just typing this stuff out makes ya feel a bit better. Tomorrow I am forcing myself to finally get back in the gym, I want to loose the rest of my beer gut and Canada fat so I can get my new tattoo. Gonna start the day fresh with all of this shit off my chest. I know this was long but leave whatever you want to leave as a comment, Its my no nonsense blog so feel free to leave a no nonsense comment. War Damn Eagle,
The Meat Hammer
