This is the story of a girl

A year and a half ago I received an email. It was a short one and the writing made two simple points. First, I am a funny guy; second, not all girls are the same. This email started a road that changed my life.

This is the story of a girl, more specifically my wife, and how our futures have been molded.  Two years after the succubus and I had not had much luck moving on. December 19^th, 2012 my luck had changed. See, I was on multiple dating sites, only the crappy free ones of course, and on my POF account I had made a mockery of my profile page one night while I was drunk. The skinny of it was me being an ass and being bold about things. Part of that was bashing women because they are, for the most part, retarded. Then one late night I got that life changing email.

The email came from Texas. I lived in Alabama, so not much thought was put into it at the time. However over the next few weeks the back and forth emails continued. I had even spent all night sending her the free gifts on the site. This soon led to our first texts, then the first phone call. That phone call was probably the start of everything. We talked for hours and could have gone for more. It was a flashback to my past during my youth and how excited I would get when flirting with a girl on the phone, which had only happened to me twice, both of which turned out to be scumbag girls. Our conversation covered many things from faith, religion, our pasts and lots of secrets. Thinking back, it was strange how that first time we talked that we both opened up so much to each other. We both thought that we would never meet, and we would only talk from time to time. Over the next month we would talk daily through text and calls.

Our relationship has somewhat of a curse. Things that were jokes became reality before we could change it. Between December and February I had told her about my upcoming deployment, and in a joking manner told her that her and her two kids should move to Alabama and come stay in my house so she could watch over it and my cat, Aubie. I told her that I am buying a ring during my deployment to have in my back pocket in case I ever met the right woman. I joked that when I got back that I would take her to Disney as thanks for watching over my home and propose to her while we were there. Neither of us thought any of that, let alone all of that would become true.

She soon decided to move back to the south, but not to Alabama, she was headed to Atlanta. I had convinced her to make a pit stop in Alabama which was out of her way and stay one night before going to Atlanta, just so we could meet because we had talked so much. Somehow it worked. I remember very clearly the first time we actually met. We had decided to meet in the Wal Mart parking lot as to be in a public place in case I was a murderer. I had got there first and went inside to buy her some resees peanut butter pieces, her favorite candy. The moment she stepped out of the car I was speechless. It was not exactly love at first site though, but more of a, wow you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. My first words to her were “man, you really are tall.” Over the last two months we had shared pictures and she is the type that in pictures she looks short. We went back to my place and just hung out and she left the next day. We both felt something but didn’t know what and didn’t think we would meet up again.

Things started moving fast after our first meeting. She already would wake up at 0500 to call me before work to just say have a good day. She is the first person I wanted to talk to as soon as I got off work. She was always on my mind and we talked nonstop. I decided it was time to ask her for an actual date, but that would involve her driving 4 hours to do so.  On Feb 15^th I had made plans to go to a Lindsey Sterling concert in Nashville. I had told her about it and asked her to join me. We decided that she would come to Alabama for a couple days and join me for the show, our first date. The night before, Valentine’s day of 2013 I officially asked her out. This was my first girlfriend in 2 years since the succubus from Vegas. I was nervous, and that was an understatement. She enjoys telling this part of the story because I babbled on so much before finally getting to my question of asking her. She is also a prankster as she made me sit and wait for a reply. And that was that, the most cliché day to get a girlfriend and I did it. The very next day we went to Nashville all day long and went to the concert. We will always have that awesome connection with Lindsay Sterling because of it.

She had now agreed to stay at my home and watch my cat as I was deployed. I even offered for her to have the kids there and she would not have to worry about anything. It was the perfect way for her to get on her feet after the move across the country. Despite what my douchebag family members had said, she waited the whole 6 months for me even thought we had only been dating for 2 months and only known each other for 4 months. During my deployment I started shopping for a wedding ring. I was that sure that she was the one for me. I had also started planning my trip to Disney World, where I would pop the question to her. All of those jokes a few months back started coming true.

Knowing already that she is my wife, it is obvious that I did indeed go to Disney and pop the question, she said yes, and we got married. We had to push things forward and do a fast court house marriage, and we are in the process of planning out our actual wedding which will take place in the beautiful mountains of Tennessee next April. I could end this story here. But I would be leaving out the most romantic part of it all.  So, the following is the story of how I popped the big question.

There are still so many things that I want to share about our time leading up to where we are now, but that would just take so long. As if our story is not already fantastic enough, the proposal is even better. I had made our plans to go to Disney World for 7 days. We stayed in the pirates of the Caribbean resort, and I had made very special dinner plans for our second night there. So let’s fast forward to December 16^th, 2013. Three days shy of one year from the first time we ever talked. We woke up that morning and I had made reservations for her to get her nails done at the spa. I grabbed a bag to take with us and off we went. After she was taken back I had told the front desk what I was doing and asked for their help. I asked them to take their time and do not let her come out until I was back. See, while I was deployed I had a flag flown on the U2 in her name. While she was at the spa I then had to head over to the magic kingdom and go to Cinderella’s castle. That is where we were having dinner that night. I gave the flag to the cast members and asked them to bring it to her after I had popped the question. I had been speaking with the cast members at the castle for the last six months planning this out. I then rushed back to the spa so we could start our day. Later that afternoon we went to our room to get dressed. I told her that it was a fancy place and we need to dress our best. While I was deployed I had a five piece suit hand tailored just for this night. And the most exciting moment of our lives so far was about to begin.

We get to the castle and get our picture taken with Cinderella. It was truly a magical environment. She was in this amazing red dress, and I in my black suit. We make our way up the stairs to the eating area where we are guided to the best seat in the house. Right next to the window, looking over the famous Disney carousel, at night and all lit up. Absolutely the most beautiful backdrop for what I had planned.  I was told that during the meal I needed her to step away for just a moment. I kept pushing for her to go to the bathroom but she would not budge, I kept with my onslaught and she finally gave in. Across the room the manager kept looking at us and waiting for this moment. As soon as she got up he approached her to test how long she would be gone. He told her to go to the bottom of the stairs for the bathroom to buy some extra time. He came over to me and we finalized our plans. I then turned to the family eating behind me and told them what was happening and gave them my camera and asked for them to record it. For those interested, you can see that here. She was so shocked and speechless that she only nodded when saying yes. They brought out a plate covered in rose peddles with a glass slipper that reads “Loves like Jesus does” our names and the date. She says that she can’t remember what I told her when I asked. Here is my speech, well what I remember of it…

1 year ago you told me not all girls are the same. 10 months ago you said yes to me. 8 months ago you stood in a hanger and watched me leave. For 6 months you waited for me. 1 month ago you were in that same hanger, waiting for me to come home to you. And now, I am asking you to be with me for the rest of my life. Will you become Mrs. Meat Hammer (Obviously I used her real name) and marry me?

I have never felt as alive as I did that night. It could not have gone any better. Our lives have been full of ups and downs, most downs caused by my family, but we have weathered it all and it has only made us stronger and brought us closer together. I now have a beautiful wife and two amazing children that I hope to one day are legally mine.

That, was my story of a girl.

The Meat Hammer

Karma is...

Karma..... it is a true pain in the tail. But when it comes around in your favor it is one of the sweetest things.
A trip back to memory lane for a nice back story. I have a nephew, by far the best one in the galaxy. He saved my life when he was 2 years old. See I had entered the darkest time of my life a few years back and it was only getting darker and darker. Then, one day I was able to see my 2 year old nephew. I did not get to see him much at the time so this was a special thing. As I pull into the parking lot and step out of my car, my nephew rips from my mothers hand and runs across the lot to hug me. I have never had a hug so tight before in my life. At that very instant, all of the love in the world went through my nephew and into me. It is a moment I will never forget. So to say my nephew is important to me is a major understatement.  Now, lets fast forward to last spring.
I was due to deploy with the military. I had fought to have a chance to see my nephew again in the days before I left. In a way I had won this fight because my nephew was close by, but in the end I truly lost because he was kept from me covered up by lies and hate. See, in those final days my mother already knew that they would meet up with my nephew. The day this happened I went to see my mother in the morning, and the evening. this easily equaled half the day. During the time I was not around, my mother went to see my nephew without me. I was lied to about a few things that day. First was that my nephew was not around and nobody was to see him. I was told that the reason behind this was that my sister did not want her son around me, and that he was not allowed to be around my then girlfriend and her children. So the blame for me not seeing my nephew was passed along to my sister and not my mother. Even that evening I was told that nobody had seen my nephew. I found out months later while deployed that my sister was not the one to keep him from me this time. she had said nothing about not wanting my nephew around me, or my girlfriend and her kids. That was a flat out lie. The way I found out that my mother did see my nephew, and keep him from me, was in a letter. A cowards way out. See, my mother placed a letter in my bag the day I left and told me right as I was getting on the plane that she had done so. So when I read it, she explained that they had seen my nephew and I had not. My mother responds to this by saying it was my fault. She says that she asked me to come alone with her to go do "something" all day. I did not want to leave my girlfriend and her kids alone all day with a non reliable car trapped in a small dorm room all day long. It was just not right. So I told my mother that she needs to drop her grudge and we will all go do something together. Because I said that my mother places all the blame on me. My mother kept my nephew from me the day before I deployed and it has bothered me ever since.... until this week.
Last December my then fiance was able to work a deal that let me see my nephew for a short hour while driving to Disney. It was a great thing for me. And now here I am living a great life in Florida, and I have had my nephew in my home the last few days and I get him a few more days to come. It is a true blessing. In this story, Karma was for sure in my favor. My mother kept him from me for one day, and I in turn get him for a whole week.
I learn more and more all the time about thing from my past involving my mother and the things she does, says, did and said. It absolutely blows my mind that a mother would say and do the things she did. Now me and my wife are the topic of her angry rants on social media and all I can do is sit back and laugh because everything that is used against us, is truly a reflection in her mirror.  I know that Karma is not done yet as there are things in the works now and things that have almost completed. It is a good feeling to know I am on that upside of it.
Karma is a bitch mom. You succeeded in keeping him from me then, but you have lost all control now.

The Meat Hammer

My low road vent session

I have been debating this blog for a long time now. Despite what is probably the better judgment, I decided to step down from the high road and journey down to their level. But before I do, since it has been over a year since I last did anything here, I am now happily married and have two wonderful step children. I was able to get back into full time military work and am living on the beach in a great 2 story house. Really, life is great, with one exception. This will probably turn into a long post, consisting of a bunch of nut shell stories. I created this blog in the past mainly to rant and vent and take the low road when needed, so here I go again.

I am not as blind, or as dumb as some people think I am. Most of the time this plays to my advantage, and in my current situation, it is no different. Over the last few years I have seen things that my mother has said, and done, and how she handles situations with my sister. 8 times out of 10, she made things worse. Now she is doing it to me, but I will pride myself on how smart I react to most of them. Sure I have had my downfalls and took the low road, much like right now, but sometimes that instant satisfaction if fantastic.

The week before I deployed is when this venting begins. It was a year ago. I had just started dating my current wife a few months before that so seeing her before I left was important to me, also seeing my family. I came home for a week then I was off to the desert. I had decided to give one full day to my girlfriend; one was set aside for just my mom, and one for just my dad. The other days were to be spent with my girlfriend and my parents together. In my mind this was perfectly logical and fair. My mother got very upset and jealous because she did not feel that was enough time with her. She wanted all of my time so she brought this to my attention. Then I was faced with whom am I going to hurt? Do I take away time from my girlfriend (who again, is now my wife so it was not just a fling) or my family? The more I played around with options the more people got angry. The girlfriend felt slighted because mom wanted all of my time, my mom felt slighted because my girlfriend wants some time. Thus began the war of words. Since then, and even up until today, my mother has never calmed down and things only got much worse.

While I was deployed, and even up to a year before hand, I told my parents that I would let them use my car since I had nothing else to do with it while I was gone. During my deployment, my girlfriend’s car had some serious issues and would leave her, and the two kids stranded on the side of the road, with no A/C in the hot summer weather of the south. Obviously I am not ok with that. Then I started my fight to get my car to my girlfriend to drive. Simply asking was not working. This process took a couple months; I had to change the POA for my car and put it in my girlfriends name and threaten to have cops show up at my parents’ door just to get the keys back. I seem to be the only person who cared that a mom and a 2 year old and 3 year old would be stranded on the side of the road. During this time while trying to get my car back, my grandfather told me that I am not a man, and never would be. Apparently fighting to help the woman you love is a bad thing, along with attempting to get back what is mine (the car that I was paying for and paying insurance on) was an un-honorable thing to do.

I learned while I was deployed that I was a mistake baby. Not just a mistake, but a rape baby. (Supposedly, I find a lot of things hard to believe when they come out of her mouth). That news alone is somewhat depressing to take, but even more so while being deployed. Along the lines of being told things while deployed, my own mother told me that she hopes I come home in a box. Yes let’s just let that one sink in for a moment. I was also told that my mother regretted allowing my dad to adopt me, that I am not worthy of his name. This all came about because I continued to fight and stick up for my girlfriend when my mother daily bashed her in public and on social media for all to see her lies. Let’s move onto social media.

Guilt in this area goes to both parties, but my mother takes the cake, the decorations, and the party gifts home on this one. Before I left for deployment, I had asked a good friend to take pictures of me in my uniform. The plan was to give these pictures to my mother as a gift. While I did that, I also kept the pictures, and why wouldn’t I? So I also gave some to my girlfriend, which again, why wouldn’t I? So during my deployment, my girlfriend submitted one of those pictures to a website that was compiling military pictures of deployed members. My mother threw such a fit that she went to the page admin asking them to remove the pictures because they were submitted illegally. Let’s be clear on this, I had the pictures taken I was given the rights to them by the photographer, I gave the pictures away for us, and they were used by the person I gave them too…. Not real sure that I understand that one. Now this next part may or may not be true, I have not found out for sure. But according to my mother, she then contacted the family friend that took the pictures and told this person what was done and that person was angry that their pictures were used, however I don't believe that they really were angry. I only have a problem with this because that person was a new friend, and they did me a great favor by taking those pictures, and I would never have intended to hurt them. The fact that so many people were brought into that situation was ridiculous and was nothing more than my mother throwing a temper tantrum.

I have asked on many occasions for my mother to stop posting things on social media and bashing me and my wife. Of course it has not stopped. There was one time specifically that I had asked all parties to stop posting anything to let things calm down. This worked for a couple of days. In a conversation I had with my mother she had told me, and promised me that she had, and would stop. The next day I learned that she had not stopped and continued posting and saying things. When I called her out on it, she was of course angry, and then refused to speak with me. At that point my dad got involved. While I had explained that mom had posted things and started problems again, and it was very easy to prove this but yet he and my mother insisted that they did nothing wrong. And this is where I can lead into the venting against my dad.

First off, I feel sorry for my dad, I really do. He is stuck in a bad spot and I understand that, but he also has no spine. He did wonderful things for me growing up, he was the best dad, and taught me a lot. He stepped in when I had no dad and became the best dad out there. But in this current situation, he has to stand behind his wife, and has done little to nothing to get her under control, even at times when he knows I am right and he knows that his wife is causing a majority of the issues he backs her up and thinks it is ok. That is not the way I remember him. He has lost his spine and can do nothing to keep her in line and can do nothing to be the man in the situation and fix things. 9 times out of 10 he just stays out of it and lets her do whatever she wants. This is not a blanket rant though. That 1 of 10 times he has said and did exactly what he should have. I feel bad for him over all because my mother has him so whipped that he will barely stand up or do anything. He once lost his temper and outside in front of viewers yelled and told me that I need to control my wife and that he will never respect her. To which I replied that he needs to control his wife, and respect is earned not given. I will protect my wife the same that he would protect his. I guess this fell on deaf ears.

I would like to point out also that although my wife has done her share in this situation that she has apologized many times, and very sincerely. My mother apologized two times, once, right after asking me, “where is that fucking bitch so I can give you what you want”. I will let you decide if that was a real apology or not. The other was before my deployment, she had apologized but her cold shoulder had not changed and within a few days she did everything again.

The hypocrisy that my mother shows is another thing that I just do not understand. On almost a daily basis she calls my wife a whore and a terrible person because of decisions in her past. However, my mother made much of the same choices with going a few steps further. She cheated on her husband with her current husband, was herself a person who slept around and even had to have an abortion in her young age because she was not ready to be a mother. Yet she constantly bashed my wife for those things. But in all honesty, my wife never had an abortion like her, never cheated on her husband like her. While I was deployed she had accused my then girlfriend of cheating on me with an old friend of mine, who is also married. The fact that my mother claims that she is the upmost Christian but says and does the things she does blows my mind. I know I am not the best Christian man, but I also don’t claim to be. While she will say and do these things, she also is a part of the women’s ministry at church and hides her true colors from the church. However, I don’t think people are as blind and dumb as she assumes they are. She has been asked to leave churches in the past because her true colors have shown and because she has borrowed so much money from them and never paid it back.

Whether her greed for more money is the reason behind some of her actions or not, I am not sure. In the past she had borrowed money from an officer’s wife, on more than one occasion, and never paid them back. This caused her husband, the active duty military member to get into trouble. She constantly tried to get others to pay for her things and events. I remember many times growing up that she would try and get my next door neighbor to pay for things, and to borrow money from her all of the time. She would do the same to me since I have been in the military. She lives outside of her means and sadly my dad is the one who pays for it. She has not worked in many, many years. She has given a few reasons why she doesn’t work, the two that I remember most is that she can’t work because she owes too much money to the govt. so they will just take her check away, or that she is too injured and sick to work. So she relies on dad’s income. She even tried to stick me with a judgment placed against them from when her car was taken for repo. They owned a trailer in which she said I could have and live in. I placed my name on the deed with the assumption that they actually paid for it and there would be no problem. Turns out there was an $11,000 judgment placed on it, and with my name on it, they thought that I would get stuck with paying it. I then found out that the trailer itself, they never truly paid for. In fact, the person they “bought” that trailer from kicked them out of their second trailer because they did not pay rent in almost a year. At the time I was told they were getting kicked out for no reason, months later I learned the truth that they just never paid the bills. Now that they see I am in good financial standing with my job and my life, she is threatening to sue me for money that they gave me to help me when I was at rock bottom. This is money that I was very clearly told I do not have to pay back.

Her knack for gaining sympathy is over the top. Let me precede this by saying cancer is awful. I have lost many family members to it, and it is never to be taken lightly, I get this. However, some do not. The latest claim is that she has 3 types of cancer and it is killing her. Obviously this is a touchy topic and I don’t want anybody to have any type of cancer. But I have to go on some assumptions here. If you have 3 types of cancer and are dying, then you would be receiving treatment, losing weight, possibly hair, and all around you would be able to tell. She uses her pain, and headaches, and “types of cancer”, and anything else to gain sympathy and somehow it works! In my personal belief, she has a lot of things in her head, including a lot of the illnesses and she uses it as fact.

She has clearly disowned me and my sister. I have seen the things she has done to my sister and I can now see that she is doing the same to me. She had pushed boundaries and that made her lose her daughter, and at times her grandson. She has now lost her son. I can say this because it has been clearly said in social media and in person to me. So now she proudly claims that she has one son, my brother, her step son. She also will only claim one grandchild, the one that she has only ever seen once and who really has no idea who my mother is. I find it interesting because until recently, she never gave mention to, and never showed any care towards this granddaughter. And on a personal perception, she never truly gave any attention to, or cared for my brother either. This of course is just a personal belief from things the she has said and done in the past, and I do not think I am alone in that.

Another instance when I was deployed was when she had threatened to come into my house and take some items back that were given to me by other people. In fear of this I had my girlfriend take those items to my neighbor. At the time my mom and that neighbor were still friends. When my neighbor refused to give those items to my mother, she then swore this friend off. They had been friends for easily 10+ years. But the fact that my neighbor stood up to my mother caused such an unrepairable rift.

Speaking of coming into my house, during a time that I was in Atlanta with my future in-laws, my parents asked to come into the house to "look at my cameras". Foolishly I said that’s ok but I had my doubts. Turns out, instead of going to look at my cameras, they snooped around the house, looking for information on my wife, including going through her things and personal folders with her documents. They then took this information to do a background check. When I called them out on this both my mom and dad lied to me about it, and continued to do so until I was able to prove it to them.

As an adult I can look back at things from my past and my childhood and my eyes are opened up. I can look back at different events and see how controlling my mother tried to be, and was very successful for a long time. She feels the need to control everything and if she doesn’t, and you if you against her, then you become an enemy. I can look back to some friends that I have lost because of her, and the things I missed out on because of this, and I hate to say how gullible I was to her mind games, manipulation and her controlling ways. Even back to my high school years I can now see how blind I used to be and how much she controlled me. In fact for a very brief period she went to counseling to try and help with this, and many other issues, mainly though to help with her situation with my sister. This lasted one, maybe two sessions. She stopped going because the therapist told her to stop what she was doing to make things worse, stop blasting people on social media, stop trying to control everything, stop making things worse. My mother did not accept this answer and felt that she was doing nothing wrong, and so she stopped going.

She is still going to keep doing all of these things and more and I have accepted this, but it doesn’t make it any better. The blasting and lies on social media will continue. The manipulating and the need to control everything will continue. And I again will take the low road at some point. I have for the most part kept my mouth shut and just ignored all of her antics and I guess after this extended venting I will do the same.

Maybe the next time I decide to post I will make it more upbeat and short…. Until then,
The Meat Hammer

This Must Be It, Welcome To The New Year

Yep another new year post. Probably a bitter one too, I just feel it coming.

I was able to keep two of my three resolutions this year. The first and most important was to never have another year like 2010, and never have to deal with The Succubus again. On that front, mission success. But really I do not think my life could ever be that bad again. The second was to finally start, and finish P90X, which I did, but sadly got too lazy to keep it up. The third.... and most repeated was yet again a fail. For the last 5 years I have wanted to have a family by the end of the year. Find a nice, sane woman and start to settle down, jump into the next chapter of my life. But thanks to God's great sense of humor, here I am, spending New Years alone with a cat, preparing for bed for my shitty job at 0500. Have been single for the last almost 3 years and have had only a handful of dates is how God gets his jollies, but that's cool. Maybe that was a tad harsh.... but that just leads into a whole other bag that is probably best not opened right now. So what is in store this year? No "new year new me" BS that you always hear. I know exactly who I am, and I like it. Sure, some things will change, they always do, but I do not need a new me. And my hopes of finding a good girl fade more and more every year, and the deployment this year does not help. But because I am a fool, and for some reason hold on to God's cruelty, for the 6th year in a row my first is to find a wife. The second? To eventually move past being pissed at God.... either by just letting him have his fun and accept it, hoping for the best, or pray that he brings something great my way. And lastly, probably the most easy resolution, to have my career path laid out in black and white and moving on it. Sadly the Succubus still has a hold on me there. The bitch ruined my career and I am still struggling in that department. Maybe I should just start with that one, it has the most hopes of coming true.

2012 was not terrible, but it was not where I wanted it to be. I made big changes in my life, my point of views, and created a new path in my future by moving to Alabama. But I had hoped it would finally bring me back to my high points in life, that is, everything before 2010. I guess the year could have been worse though. I do have a job, a home, and finally closer to family. On most fronts I am content and happy.

I guess a lot of my resolutions come down to attitude. Laying out my career path and getting it done and the whole "God, stop poking me with a stick" thing can change with a change of heart probably. Being a religious man I know that if I did that then my life probably would be as great as it was 3 years ago and before.

In 2013 I will see my second deployment for the USAF. I think it will do me a ton of good. Time to think, a lot of alone time, and a good amount of time with less distractions in life.

2013 will bring new things for me in my music. I want to learn to write better songs than the crap I have written in the past. Maybe some writing lessons.

2013 will bring me closer to my family, just like 2012 did compared to 2011.

2013 will bring closer friendships.

Most importantly, 2013 will bring the Meat Hammer face to face with the world yet again, and as before, I will simply rip off its balls and come out on top.

To all of you bringing in 2013 the right way, please, bottoms up and have a drink for me. Enjoy being next to your friends, live it up, and remember, the year will be what you make it.

Get out of here you old itchy 2012, welcome 2013.

Together We'll Ring In The New Year

The Meat Hammer

All I Want To Do Is Trade This Life For Something New

I just really get down and so tired of it sometimes. Fuck you life.

True Words

The Meat Hammer

Girl is a Dime Piece

I posted the following status on my Facebook page.

When I see a 10+ girl, who just by all rights is the most beautiful woman in the world, I naturally think the worst of her in every way. Slut, retarded, selfish, cheater, shallow, annoying, and probably the worst woman in the world to be with. 

I got the two responses I expected, the guys agreed, the girls did not. Through the conversation other things came to light about personality, being shallow, self esteem and things like that. So I have now been motivated to blog about it in general, and as of right now I am not real sure where this blog is going but it should be interesting. What I plan to do is take some of the comments and speak to them in detail.

** during this I am excluding any famous people such as actresses and singers. I am referring only to the people you see at a bar, Target, in school or a place to eat. Just the average person.**

In my opinion, a girl who is a 10 based on nothing but looks...

Are typically bitches. Btw the first girl, amazing (talking look only right now) but falls right into the previous stated status above. I am willing to bet she is a shallow slut. She would only be around girls that look like her and think she is better than everybody else in the world. 

Now lets focus on just looks for a moment. Yes that girl is beautiful there is nobody that would argue. But the "good guys" would rather have a girl that is real. A girl that has a personality, who is smart, and most of all, grounded. A girl that has self esteem, but not to the point where she thinks she deserves Zeus. Mostly, those girls are what society would call "thick" or fat if you will. Those are the type of looks only that I would go for. I do not want them so skinny I will break their back like Bane when I give them a hug. But I want my hands to be able to touch when they go around her back. Such as...

Minus the Alabama jersey of course. Society would think the girl above is a bit overweight, a muffin top, chunky... or a number of other things. However, this is a great body style. Now guys, take your focus off her face and breasts..... ok, you done yet? She is not skinny like magazines and TV tells us women need to be. She is not fat, or BBW, or overweight. Matter of fact she is very beautiful. She has meat on her bones and is thick, they way a real woman is. Now, I want to get off just the looks portion and get into self esteem.

When a guy rates a girl 1-10 looks are only the first part, assuming we have never met the girl. Self esteem and personality go a long way. In fact, much further than looks. If the girl is dumber than a bag of rocks, she can dropped from a 7 to a 3. If she has no self esteem, that drops you too, along with sense of humor, outlook on life and a number of things. I want to dig deeper into self esteem. but first I will share this fast story about why i will be so hard on this issue. I am 5'9, I weigh 210 lbs. I am not fat, I am not a skinny tone guy. I have a beer gut, but I am in shape. For Halloween I plan on wearing a full, skin tight spandex costume that will highlight my gut. I will be doing multiple activities in town dressed like this, and do not care that people will think, "wtf is he thinking that's gross" Why? because I know I am an attractive dude. 

I know girls with low... crippling self esteem and I have no effing clue why. I am going to talk about 2 different ladies right now that will encompass every girl in the world. The first, super skinny girl like the first 2 pictures. The second, a "thick" girl like the one in the jersey. 

This girl is very skinny, and very beautiful. She works out every day and eats very little. Is on a diet to lose more weight. If she did she would weight 12 lbs soaking wet. But she thinks she is not beautiful. Guys have told her to lose more weight. These are the type of guys that only go after the first pictured girl, and would never give the jersey girl a shot in hell. I have told her that she should eat more. She is a very beautiful girl, and the personality involved with everything easily ranks her between a 7-8. This is just on the guy scale, on the personal scale she would be a 10. 

The second girl is much like the jersey girl, and covers most women in the world with low self esteem. No you are not skinny. You will not fit into a size 0, 1, 2, 3 maybe even 456 jeans. (I have no clue what those sizes actually are) but that does not mean you are not a high ranking just on looks. The girls I know that fall into this category also have some of the best personalities. Another easy 10 on my personal scale for reasons other than just looks. But based on society they would be a 6... maybe. In my experience and opinion, the thick girls are the best ones to have. 

The point of self esteem: you create your own. I hate when i see girls like the jersey girl, or my skinny friend mentioned above with low self esteem. There is no reason for it. My mentor has taught me that self esteem is created by yourself. So to all the girls like the jersey girl (I know a lot of you), stop beating down on yourself. If you want to be happy then do it. That is the harsh reality. I mentioned I have a gut which most girls do not think is attractive, but I would talk to any girl, and walk around shirtless at the beach because I know I am a good lookin dude, and I don't give a shit about the people who think otherwise. 

Along with this issue came came single mothers. Not sure how though so I want to chime in on this as well. It is easier to get a date when you are single with no kids than single with kids. This is just a fact. There is nothing wrong with single mothers though. From my standpoint it is good and bad for both parties. lets focus on the bad. When I start to date a girl, I already have to fight with the everyday life for her attention and time to start building a relationship. Kids just add to the battle. I am told by everyone I know that I am great with kids, even though they are super annoying. so that is not my issue, but I like to get out and have fun doing anything, and single moms just can not do that. I feel like we lose out on that part of the relationship. We also have to deal with any baby-daddy issues. Screw that man, not worth it. Also we always have in the back of our head, what if this pans out, I gotta be a dad for these kids. It could also mean in some situations, I will never have a kid of my own now since we will have her kids. I have dated a single mother before, and yes it had its complications and no it did not work out, but not because of her being a mother. I would date a single mother again in the future, but I would make clear to her although I do not want to be more important attention wise to her children, I do not want to be put on the back burner. It is a two way street, you try to make time to build a relationship, and i am 1 million percent ok with you canceling plans for your child, or not being able to join me for something because you do not have a baby sitter.

However on the positive side of things:

-- for the girl: if you are a single mother and start dating a guy that is ok with you having children. If he sticks around, you know you have a good guy. He is willing to accept all of that. This should take out most of your debating on if you should stay with him or not. Single women with no kids do not have this advantage. 

-- for the guy: we know about the previous statement.

I think I have lost the point I want to get across here. If I see a girl in the bar who is like the first two pictures, sure I would love to be in their company and be seen with them and probably take them home and never call again. They are super beautiful girls... but that is typically where the good stuff ends. They are whores, and mean, shallow, surrounded by drama, and just a pain in the ass high maintenance. Obviously this is not true for everyone. I know a few girls that based off looks alone are 10's, and they are some of the most humble, fantastic girls in the world. But they are the 1%. Take the opposite of that, girls like the one pictured in the jersey, most guys would go for the 10's above them, but in reality, those are the girls to take.

To the ladies who are involved in the creation of this blog. If you read this, I want you to know that you are all beautiful. You are all of the things  a good guy looks for. A couple of you even have that good guy. Others are still looking. I do not want to say just "let yourself go" because when a girl does that she looks like a -12, but do not put all of your focus on looks. It is only the first step. You are all beautiful and can easily get any guy you wanted... the bigger issue is what kind of guy do you want, and what kind of guy are you chasing. Normally they are two different guys. 

I am sure I will want to edit this, or continue this in another blog somehow. Please one way or another leave a comment about this one. I can take it.

*****And any guy that reads this and disagrees and thinks the first 2 pictures are the real winners, you are probably a bigger douche than Hitler and Casey Anthonys love child.... if she didn't kill it. But seriously  go fuck yourself 3 ways from yesterday.****

The Meat Hammer

The Bully Post

Let me start by saying most of you will be angry at this, some will be surprised, and a select few will agree.

Before I dive into this I want to make very clear, I feel sympathy for kids who get bullied, it sucks. I would never wish for kids to be beat up, depressed suicidal, or anything that comes along with it. Suicide is also something that I am strongly against, I have known many people who have done this to themselves, and many friends who have suffered from it. I have a brother in arms that did this and it kills me to know it happens. I really can not stress these points enough before you read this.

Kids get bullied for a number of reasons, being fat, poor and can't afford the cool clothes, being gay, being mentally ill, having a disorder, stuttering, being a nerd or geek, being a slut, making the wrong popular kid angry, being weak, and a million more. Now kids are getting to the point where they kill themselves or others. This is just sick.... but not for the reason you may think.

Up until the 6th grade I had a great childhood involving school. It was super easy to make friends, nobody really fought or picked on me. In fact, while at I.L. Branch Elementary in California I had a smokin hot girlfriend lol. I kid you not. Then we moved to Alabama and I joined HG middle school for the 6th grade. My entire school experience changed then and lasted until high school graduation. I have no clue why I was one of the kids singled out but I was. For 6 years I was called gay, pushed around, shoved into lockers, beat up, beat up by girls, called every name in the book, the end of every joke, very few friends, always picked last for group sports, even when I was last the team did not want me, in high school (even though I thought I was pretty good) I was singled out when playing football in ROTC, I ran to my next class my freshmen year because I was the guy they wanted in the dumpster on freshmen Friday, all of the things that kids deal with today, I got also. Yes social media as well, I was around for MySpace. I was bullied everyday for 6 years. I wanted to play sports so bad in high school, but I never would because all the guys on the football team were the ones that would beat me up.  I would cry myself to sleep at times, I would beg God to make it stop, even get angry at him for making me go through it. I soon realized that would not happen, and began to embrace the fact that I was unpopular and began to have fun with it. I would give them reasons to laugh at me and somehow that made me feel OK about it all. So I know what it is like to be that kid, and that is why I can say that kids today are too weak minded to handle being picked on, and that is what is sick about bullying.

I now have 2 associates degrees and working on my bachelors, I am building on a second career, I am a decorated NCO in the worlds greatest Air Force, I have fought in a war, I have been around the country and outside of it seeing and doing great things, I own my home and land, I have experienced things that 80% of my graduating class has not, and all of this because I did not kill myself, or the kids who pushed me around.

Now I am friends with most of the people I went to school with, those same guys that would push me around and call me names. We are all older now, and all of that is in the past. If anybody would ever try to apologize to me for it, and they have, I would tell them to stop, because really, I should thank them for making me the man I am today.

Society today has made kids weak minded. I am tired of seeing and hearing all of this anti bully BS. All of these kids hurting themselves, committing suicide and hurting others because they are picked on. They took the weak way out. And I feel strongly that if they didn't do something to themselves now, then later on when they could do more then they would. For example shoot up an office, set off a bomb, become a serial killer, or any number of violent horrific things that they could do when they are adults. It is probably a good thing they are not alive now, it saved more lives in the future. Harsh I know, but I am a realist. Killing yourself or others is a choice, and it is the wrong choice, theses kids were too weak to suck it up and make something of themselves. That is the sad part, these kids could have used all of the negativity and done some amazing with it. This is the bigger problem here, not bullying, but how we baby the young generation today. I understand that not everybody is capable to turn the most negative things positive like I am..... no that is wrong, capable is not the right word,  how about strong minded enough. Everybody is capable of it. I know it is not easy, it took me 15 or 16 years to even begin to think about that. But in those years I did not try to kill myself... and I never fully gave up mentally. Now because of my childhood, including being bullied made me a stronger man. It kills me to think of what this generation will not achieve because they are so narrow minded and can't handle somebody who does not like them.

I am going to get to the point where I start rambling about this and the point will get lost, so let me put it in black and white right now.

I do not condone bullies, it is mean, and unnecessary. But it is a part of life. it builds character... if you let it. Kids today for some reason are not taught how to deal with anything negative, and that will ruin their future, and generations after it.

I am glad that I had the school years that I did because it taught me that life is tough, but no matter how bad it gets, I can make it better. Being bullied combined with my experiences in the military and being abused by my biological father made me a strong, unshakable man.


The Meat Hammer



** I would like to note that this highlights the negative of my school years. I had, and still do have great friends from high school, and fantastic memories. ****