Here is my man card revisited 18+ Language

So this is nothing more than a follow up to my loss of a man card post. After that blog I have spoken to a few close folks about it and a few good points were brought up. So I figured I would add that now. This is probably one of the hardest posts I have done simply because nobody enjoys evaluating themselves, it’s a harsh reality.

As I mentioned, yes I think I am allowed to be super picky now, but maybe I was a bit to harsh. Two things that will stay the same are my football and my nerdism. “Meat Hammer, nerdism is not a word” Well, it came out of my mouth didn’t it? Anyways, some others things can be flexible though I guess, and I should not pick apart small meaningless things. Obviously though, she still has to be attractive to me.

Some self reflection came out of that too. This is going to sort of replace the “requirements” of a girl for me. And if you thought I was asking too much last time, your in a for something deep. I already said the 2 things that need to stay, but I need a patient gal. I was thinking back about a couple girls I went on dates with and what might have happened and what not (not playing the what if game here) and I realized that the issue might just be me. Now lets get something straight, I am a man therefore I am never in the wrong, but we already knew that. But I think I have made myself forget what its like to be in a relationship. After my last with Succubus I have created the frame of mind that women are the same and I am too good for them, and that they should drop everything and only pay attention to me. And that I should be able to do what ever I want and only have her around when I want her to be, that way I don’t have to deal with her woman bullshit. But I never used to see it that way.  I realize that if I keep this frame of mind then I am exactly like the Succubus, but I know I am so much better than that bitch will ever be. So now that I said that, the woman I get with needs to be patient, give me a month or two to get back into the feel of a relationship. I know that’s a lot to ask, but if she is worth a damn then she would do it. I mean, how often do us guys put up with a woman’s baggage and bullshit? They can do it too. I need a woman who will remind me that there is such thing as a good woman.

I also know that the next girl will not be my ex, thank God, but I also realize I am, and probably always will be bitter about it, and really who can blame me? I need someone who will take that bitterness away. So maybe I have found small dumb reasons to push the 3 or so girls away because I do not want to put them through my baggage. I know it is a lot to ask because I have tried to date girls with baggage in the past, but sadly they were dumb and did not realize they had any.

Along with maybe forgetting what a real relationship is like, I lost the intimate part of it too. I know my mom reads this, and so this next part is both hilarious and awkward. I had gone a on a few dates with a girl and things starting moving towards a more intimate side of things and I ran from it. I did not want to have that type of attachment. This was one of two reasons, either I did not want to get hurt again, OR I subconsciously knew what I mentioned above and did not want to put her through any of that. Maybe both. I would have much rather had a booty call or a one night stand instead of get intimate with someone that I knew.

Enough with the explaining lets hit the facts. I want a girl that accepts my football and nerdism, patient and will help me get used to being in a relationship again, she can not give up easily on me because lets face it, I’m pretty damn amazing, and all of the other smaller things will simply fall into place after that. I can think of a couple women in my life right now that could probably fit that bill.  

So take that man card from the last blog rip it, burn it, whatever you want, and then look back at it and realize that I just mind fucked you because I actually took one of  YOUR man cards and gave it back to you… lol suckers.

The Meat Hammer

Here is my man card 18+ Language

Another blog, wtf? I really don’t have “free time” anymore with my new job, but I do have a bit of down time at work, and LOTS of thinking time at work so that is where my blogs are coming from now. The last 2 days I was thinking about women… (Insert one of 30 million jokes here) and my opinions of women over the last 3 years, what’s wrong with women, my thoughts on relationships with women, just about everything. Now I am going to share those thoughts. Probably piss a few, or most of you off, unless you’re a guy, you might laugh a bit because one of us has the balls to say what we all think. That or I might lose a man card for being a little “emo” at times.

Those that really know me know that I am a kidder. I have a sense of humor and use it often. It is a way of coping with things. Recently I have had a few deaths in my family, and yes I have my break down moments about it, but for the most part, I joked about death, and what those people were doing in heaven. It’s just me. So over the last few years I have made women jokes, mainly because they piss me off, and I have just had bad experiences with women, so it’s my way of venting about it all. And those same people that know me know that I do not really mean all of the jokes I make about women. If I ever do find a good woman, if they still exist, then I would treat her like a queen. But I seriously think they are all gone. Although, it would be great to have a women cook and clean for me all the time. I really do think that I should have been born 30 years earlier, and then I could have had that type of woman.

So along with my constant jokes about women and how they can not drive, and they should not leave the kitchen unless they are bringing me a beer or doing my laundry, and how beyond extremely bat shit crazy they all are, I have noticed a few things about my views of women in relationships. With the crazy Canadian, I started to change things, give up things, and change who I was for her. I always knew that could happen in serious relationships, but I also thought it was supposed to go both ways. That was not the case. I gave up a very important concert for this girl, lost out on lots of guy time because of her, and I let her ruin all kinds of things for me. A camping trip stands out the most. Anybody reading this that went knows what I am talking about, the dumb bitch was jealous because there were other girls there… with their boyfriends lol. Then she decided to get super drunk and funnel rum to not be pissed off. That’s always a good idea. Then she kept my buddy in the tent next to us up all night with her damn bitching and moaning. Anyways, so I gave a lot to that relationship and I didn’t really get much back, It always had to be her way, and I could not do what I wanted. I mean, I would ask for 2 major things…

1. Every once in a while I wanted to do nothing but stay up all night and play COD4 with the boys.
2. I asked for up to 16 days out of the year to sit around and watch football on Saturdays. I didn’t want to go out anywhere, do any chores, no house work, no shopping, just watch football.

That is NOT too much to ask is it? Apparently it was.  My next relationship, or as the great Dane Cook puts it, relationSHIT was the Succubus in Vegas. In that relationship I went all in, gave up everything 100% and moved my life, just to have my ass thrown away 2 months later. Stupid bitch. She also had a problem with the 16 days out of the year, we had a week long fight because I did not want to go out to the park one day with her family because it was Saturday and I wanted to watch my Auburn boys play.  So that sets up my opinions of relationships.

I do not want to have to change, or sacrifice anything for a woman again. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me, burn me three times… nope. So now I have a hard time finding a woman because I will not stop being a nerd, I enjoy superheroes and video games. I will not give up my Saturdays for you; I want to have 16 days out of 365 to watch football. If Auburn has a bad year, it could be as little as 12 or 13. Really, that’s not a lot to ask. I think it will take a lot out of a girl for me to want to start giving some things up or pulling back on things again. I honestly do not believe there is a girl that is worth that anymore. Go ahead and pull my man card now before I say this… I have just been hurt to bad and am still too scarred to want to sacrifice for a girl again. I do not want to go through that pain again.

What I want out of a girl has changed a lot too. Now I know this may make me seem shallow, but I don’t care what you think now do I? Anybody that says looks are not important is full of shit. They are not the most important but you have to be physically attracted to the person. While this is true, I never really set out to get the hottest girl; I took in a part of everything. But now, I think I deserve to have a hot girl, one that the other guys stare at. The problem with that is I am no George Clooney, and I know this. I want a girl that will get interested in what I do, and what I want. She will be a football fan, and will cheer for Auburn, if she has another team, that’s great, but she will be an AU fan. I want a girl that will tolerate my sense of humor and not take my jokes seriously, because I will tell her to get in the kitchen. She will let me play xbox with the boys, and not complain when I buy a new game, or stay at home and play games instead of cuddle. She can come cuddle and watch me play. No need to make a long list here, the point is, I have become very picky in what I will get out of my next relationshit.

2 women have ruined so much for my life, mainly the last woman. I have a very low tolerance for them anymore, and I am very fast to pick out their flaws and act like I have none of my own. And they are small stupid things like, she doesn’t like this band, or I don’t like her clothes, I don’t like her nose, she likes superman better than batman, (well that’s a good reason actually) stupid stuff really.  

I go through phases now where I really wish I had someone to come home to, someone to talk to, someone to cuddle with, and someone to settle down with. But what guy doesn’t? Nobody likes being lonely. And then I hit the phase where I think if I had a girlfriend, I would not be able to being doing this or that. I wouldn’t be able to play xbox, she would be interrupting my game. She would make me clean the kitchen instead of watch this movie, and so I think I am better off being alone. I wonder if I ever will be able to find the person that changes my mind about all of this.

There are a couple women in my life right now that I could probably be happy with, and maybe I am just too scared about getting hurt again. But if its not one thing it’s another, physical attraction, kids, too serious, creepy nose, too immature, so I hold back from them. I tell myself that I deserve better because of what I have been through.

All of that said I am, well, was a great catch. But I know that if a woman who is good enough comes along then my feelings toward women will change.

The Meat Hammer

Yes, I am a nerd MA+ Language

I am a nerd. That’s no secret, but there are different types of nerds. There are nerds, the ones that are 30, live in their mom’s basement, play D&D and WOW, never supported themselves and are greased face pizza eaters, and then there are social fun nerds. Obviously I can only be one of those… “Mom, not now, I’m busy!!!” Oh, wait I’m the cool nerd.

This is a rant blog, and about time. I started this thing to be angry and get things off my chest so here is another. I am a 27, almost 27 year old gamer nerd… and I am better off in life than you so go eat a stick,

Growing up we had a few gaming systems, a Nintendo, super Nintendo and a Sega Geneses. I had a Gameboy. But my time playing these were limited and always in the living room. I was a bit shafted when it came to video games. And when my buddies got the new games, I did not, and was not allowed to play the fun ones. Remember when Mortal Kombat was cool? Well since mom saw on the news that it was too bloody and violent I was not allowed to play. So of course I would go to a friend’s to play it. In high school I broke mom down and I got a PSone, even then though the games were rare. I think the most “gamer” game I had was FF8. When I got on my own I bought an Xbox and Halo. I thought it was amazing that I could play whatever and whenever I wanted. Now I am a gamer nerd. I have the PS3, Xbox360, PSP, Nintendo DS, and too many games. I follow gamer blogs and websites. I read reviews, I get excited about upcoming games, I even spend hundreds of dollars on games. I waited in line with Rue and Bmbb for 7+ hours outside of a mall in the freezing cold for a video game, and would do it again. Why is this such a bad thing and frowned upon in society?

I spend countless hours playing any one game, by myself or with friends. Friends, that’s a major issue that people complain about. “that’s why you don’t have friends, you spend all day playing video games” “Why don’t you go make real friends instead of random people on Xbox” Well, most of my good friends are thousands of miles away from me, its not like we can go to the Moose or the movies together every day. That is how I spend time with my friends.

“You know video games are not real right? It’s not real life it’s all fantasy.” Well no shit tips, thanks for the heads up, because I swear that I could have unlimited ammo and a chainsaw assault rifle, run around town and shoot whatever the hell I wanted and not go to jail. I actually had no idea that if I jumped from a 500 foot building that I would die. This is probably the thing that makes me most angry and annoyed. My ex, the Succubus continuously said this to me, and for some reason I could not get her to understand it is just a form of fun for me. I know games are not real, when have I ever said or tried to act like they are? Video games are a form of release and a way to relax… well, most the time, unless that asshole is a corner camper with a noob tube, or corner camps with the sawed off. Point is, I love playing video games, and 9 times out of 10 when I do, I get super relaxed and get rid of stress.

Video games in a way helped save my life. When all of that shit with the Succubus went down I was in a very very dark place in my life. To help with this Batmanners and I would play a transformers game on Xbox every chance we got. We would play for hours into the night. Xbox and alcohol was my life for a few weeks. But because of it, and being able to escape into a video game, it helped me relax and forget about all of the shit that bitch put me through. Months later Batmanners and I were talking and I thanked him for basically saving my life. He told me that he knew I needed a friend and those video games were the best way to help me.

I am a gamer nerd, I love my video games… but it is not my life. Sure there are sometimes I decide not to go out because I would rather play, but I get out. I have a social life. I have friends. Video games do not control my life. I have a great job, I make great money, I have a nice car, a nice home, new clothes on my back… and probably better off than half of the people who say “You are a good for nothing nerd. Get a life.” I get out of the house, I hang out with friends, I go out to eat, I go to movies and the mall.  The only thing missing in my life is a woman, and yes there are female nerds. Sadly most women think video games are childish. Those women are retarded and not good enough for me.

This is something that will probably never change for me; I will always enjoy my games, and will always want/get the new consoles and new games. I want to be 40 and be able to play video games with my kids. I am buying my nephew an Xbox so we can play video games together. It is something to have in common; it is a great bonding tool.

So to all of you who think and say “Time to grow up and stop with your childish games.” “It’s not real life you know.” STFU because I’m tired of hearing it. You don’t like video games, you think they make kids violent, (they don’t btw) you think they are a waste of time and money I get it, but I am not you. Now, if you will excuse me, I feel like shooting, cutting, blowing up, beating the hell out of and straight up demolishing shit on my Xbox. And to you sir I say good day.

The Meat Hammer. 

Memories

So normally I complain about stuff on here but since I am in a good mood tonight as I sit here at work, I figured I would just share what’s on my mind. I was thinking earlier tonight about some of my best memories. Not too many came to mind but the ones that did still give me goose bumps when I think of them. I thought I would share… so read and enjoy, and you better feel good afterwards. Here they are in no real order. The only one that ranks above the rest is the first one, everything else ties for second place.

1. The day I first held my nephew. It was Christmas time; dude was only like a month old. He was placed in my arms and he just stared at me. I had no words to explain how I felt. Dumb kid made me cry just by looking at me.  He was in this red and white striped onesie type thing, looked like a fat candy cane. This is a moment I will never forget and will always be my best memory. Still today that kid makes my eyes water up a bit. To bad my sister is such a bitch about me being a part of his life now.
2. Two of the football games I have gone to. Both of these games will always make me smile. The first was when Auburn played WVU at Jordan Hare. I had brought one of my good Canadian friends with me. Let’s call him blue/green =). So he had never been to a football game before so we flew to Auburn and started the tailgate at 930 in the morning. Of course when we got there we popped open a beer and started drinking. We were there with frat guys and other university members and they looked at us like we were crazy for drinking first thing in the morning. Blue/green had to explain to him what Canada and drinking means. Anyways the game was delayed for over an hour because of rain and heavy lighting. The stadium was cleared out, except for the student section; we were standing on metal bleachers with lightning hitting the field, singing songs like “Have You Ever Seen the Rain”. Amazing times. Yea, we won!
3. The second game was last year, during the National Championship run. AU vs. LSWHO. I took my old man, and it was so cool sharing something that I love so much with him. He needed some time away and to get his mind off things and I think our weekend in Auburn did that. That game pushed Auburn to the number 1 spot in the BCS polls for the first time that I can remember. It was simply amazing. The best part was the next morning when we left, papa went into the gas station and brought out a newspaper with Auburn on the cover that read UNDEFEATED, yea, he is awesome.
4. My Linkin Park concerts. Of all the ones I have been to, one stands out the most. In 2007 I flew to SLC form Canada and took 3 of my close friends to the show for the Minutes to Midnight tour. They all know how much I love LP, and to be able to share that with them was priceless.
5. The Green Day concert with Shanarchy. We go way back and of course the cliché song “good riddance” is a song that we both hold close. The line about tattoos will always remind me of her because we shared getting ink together, twice. I went with her for both of her tattoos and one of them is one that we got together as a friendship tat.
6. The day I was reunited with my mom. She divorced the asshole and left me in Italy for a while. That whole time I thought she didn’t want me. Turns out I was wrong, and when she won rights over me I flew into Texas and jumped into her arms. What a great day.
7. My best friends wedding. The very recent day that Shanarchy got married. I refuse to admit that I had tears in my eyes, it was dusty inside of the church… that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I am so super happy for her and so blessed I got to be a part of it.

So that’s what I was thinking about tonight as I drove into work and walked around on my patrols. Now go be mushy somewhere else.

The Meat Hammer