Here is my man card 18+ Language

Another blog, wtf? I really don’t have “free time” anymore with my new job, but I do have a bit of down time at work, and LOTS of thinking time at work so that is where my blogs are coming from now. The last 2 days I was thinking about women… (Insert one of 30 million jokes here) and my opinions of women over the last 3 years, what’s wrong with women, my thoughts on relationships with women, just about everything. Now I am going to share those thoughts. Probably piss a few, or most of you off, unless you’re a guy, you might laugh a bit because one of us has the balls to say what we all think. That or I might lose a man card for being a little “emo” at times.

Those that really know me know that I am a kidder. I have a sense of humor and use it often. It is a way of coping with things. Recently I have had a few deaths in my family, and yes I have my break down moments about it, but for the most part, I joked about death, and what those people were doing in heaven. It’s just me. So over the last few years I have made women jokes, mainly because they piss me off, and I have just had bad experiences with women, so it’s my way of venting about it all. And those same people that know me know that I do not really mean all of the jokes I make about women. If I ever do find a good woman, if they still exist, then I would treat her like a queen. But I seriously think they are all gone. Although, it would be great to have a women cook and clean for me all the time. I really do think that I should have been born 30 years earlier, and then I could have had that type of woman.

So along with my constant jokes about women and how they can not drive, and they should not leave the kitchen unless they are bringing me a beer or doing my laundry, and how beyond extremely bat shit crazy they all are, I have noticed a few things about my views of women in relationships. With the crazy Canadian, I started to change things, give up things, and change who I was for her. I always knew that could happen in serious relationships, but I also thought it was supposed to go both ways. That was not the case. I gave up a very important concert for this girl, lost out on lots of guy time because of her, and I let her ruin all kinds of things for me. A camping trip stands out the most. Anybody reading this that went knows what I am talking about, the dumb bitch was jealous because there were other girls there… with their boyfriends lol. Then she decided to get super drunk and funnel rum to not be pissed off. That’s always a good idea. Then she kept my buddy in the tent next to us up all night with her damn bitching and moaning. Anyways, so I gave a lot to that relationship and I didn’t really get much back, It always had to be her way, and I could not do what I wanted. I mean, I would ask for 2 major things…

1. Every once in a while I wanted to do nothing but stay up all night and play COD4 with the boys.
2. I asked for up to 16 days out of the year to sit around and watch football on Saturdays. I didn’t want to go out anywhere, do any chores, no house work, no shopping, just watch football.

That is NOT too much to ask is it? Apparently it was.  My next relationship, or as the great Dane Cook puts it, relationSHIT was the Succubus in Vegas. In that relationship I went all in, gave up everything 100% and moved my life, just to have my ass thrown away 2 months later. Stupid bitch. She also had a problem with the 16 days out of the year, we had a week long fight because I did not want to go out to the park one day with her family because it was Saturday and I wanted to watch my Auburn boys play.  So that sets up my opinions of relationships.

I do not want to have to change, or sacrifice anything for a woman again. Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me, burn me three times… nope. So now I have a hard time finding a woman because I will not stop being a nerd, I enjoy superheroes and video games. I will not give up my Saturdays for you; I want to have 16 days out of 365 to watch football. If Auburn has a bad year, it could be as little as 12 or 13. Really, that’s not a lot to ask. I think it will take a lot out of a girl for me to want to start giving some things up or pulling back on things again. I honestly do not believe there is a girl that is worth that anymore. Go ahead and pull my man card now before I say this… I have just been hurt to bad and am still too scarred to want to sacrifice for a girl again. I do not want to go through that pain again.

What I want out of a girl has changed a lot too. Now I know this may make me seem shallow, but I don’t care what you think now do I? Anybody that says looks are not important is full of shit. They are not the most important but you have to be physically attracted to the person. While this is true, I never really set out to get the hottest girl; I took in a part of everything. But now, I think I deserve to have a hot girl, one that the other guys stare at. The problem with that is I am no George Clooney, and I know this. I want a girl that will get interested in what I do, and what I want. She will be a football fan, and will cheer for Auburn, if she has another team, that’s great, but she will be an AU fan. I want a girl that will tolerate my sense of humor and not take my jokes seriously, because I will tell her to get in the kitchen. She will let me play xbox with the boys, and not complain when I buy a new game, or stay at home and play games instead of cuddle. She can come cuddle and watch me play. No need to make a long list here, the point is, I have become very picky in what I will get out of my next relationshit.

2 women have ruined so much for my life, mainly the last woman. I have a very low tolerance for them anymore, and I am very fast to pick out their flaws and act like I have none of my own. And they are small stupid things like, she doesn’t like this band, or I don’t like her clothes, I don’t like her nose, she likes superman better than batman, (well that’s a good reason actually) stupid stuff really.  

I go through phases now where I really wish I had someone to come home to, someone to talk to, someone to cuddle with, and someone to settle down with. But what guy doesn’t? Nobody likes being lonely. And then I hit the phase where I think if I had a girlfriend, I would not be able to being doing this or that. I wouldn’t be able to play xbox, she would be interrupting my game. She would make me clean the kitchen instead of watch this movie, and so I think I am better off being alone. I wonder if I ever will be able to find the person that changes my mind about all of this.

There are a couple women in my life right now that I could probably be happy with, and maybe I am just too scared about getting hurt again. But if its not one thing it’s another, physical attraction, kids, too serious, creepy nose, too immature, so I hold back from them. I tell myself that I deserve better because of what I have been through.

All of that said I am, well, was a great catch. But I know that if a woman who is good enough comes along then my feelings toward women will change.

The Meat Hammer