I have been debating this blog for a long time now. Despite what is probably the better judgment, I decided to step down from the high road and journey down to their level. But before I do, since it has been over a year since I last did anything here, I am now happily married and have two wonderful step children. I was able to get back into full time military work and am living on the beach in a great 2 story house. Really, life is great, with one exception. This will probably turn into a long post, consisting of a bunch of nut shell stories. I created this blog in the past mainly to rant and vent and take the low road when needed, so here I go again.
I am not as blind, or as dumb as some people think I am. Most of the time this plays to my advantage, and in my current situation, it is no different. Over the last few years I have seen things that my mother has said, and done, and how she handles situations with my sister. 8 times out of 10, she made things worse. Now she is doing it to me, but I will pride myself on how smart I react to most of them. Sure I have had my downfalls and took the low road, much like right now, but sometimes that instant satisfaction if fantastic.
The week before I deployed is when this venting begins. It was a year ago. I had just started dating my current wife a few months before that so seeing her before I left was important to me, also seeing my family. I came home for a week then I was off to the desert. I had decided to give one full day to my girlfriend; one was set aside for just my mom, and one for just my dad. The other days were to be spent with my girlfriend and my parents together. In my mind this was perfectly logical and fair. My mother got very upset and jealous because she did not feel that was enough time with her. She wanted all of my time so she brought this to my attention. Then I was faced with whom am I going to hurt? Do I take away time from my girlfriend (who again, is now my wife so it was not just a fling) or my family? The more I played around with options the more people got angry. The girlfriend felt slighted because mom wanted all of my time, my mom felt slighted because my girlfriend wants some time. Thus began the war of words. Since then, and even up until today, my mother has never calmed down and things only got much worse.
While I was deployed, and even up to a year before hand, I told my parents that I would let them use my car since I had nothing else to do with it while I was gone. During my deployment, my girlfriend’s car had some serious issues and would leave her, and the two kids stranded on the side of the road, with no A/C in the hot summer weather of the south. Obviously I am not ok with that. Then I started my fight to get my car to my girlfriend to drive. Simply asking was not working. This process took a couple months; I had to change the POA for my car and put it in my girlfriends name and threaten to have cops show up at my parents’ door just to get the keys back. I seem to be the only person who cared that a mom and a 2 year old and 3 year old would be stranded on the side of the road. During this time while trying to get my car back, my grandfather told me that I am not a man, and never would be. Apparently fighting to help the woman you love is a bad thing, along with attempting to get back what is mine (the car that I was paying for and paying insurance on) was an un-honorable thing to do.
I learned while I was deployed that I was a mistake baby. Not just a mistake, but a rape baby. (Supposedly, I find a lot of things hard to believe when they come out of her mouth). That news alone is somewhat depressing to take, but even more so while being deployed. Along the lines of being told things while deployed, my own mother told me that she hopes I come home in a box. Yes let’s just let that one sink in for a moment. I was also told that my mother regretted allowing my dad to adopt me, that I am not worthy of his name. This all came about because I continued to fight and stick up for my girlfriend when my mother daily bashed her in public and on social media for all to see her lies. Let’s move onto social media.
Guilt in this area goes to both parties, but my mother takes the cake, the decorations, and the party gifts home on this one. Before I left for deployment, I had asked a good friend to take pictures of me in my uniform. The plan was to give these pictures to my mother as a gift. While I did that, I also kept the pictures, and why wouldn’t I? So I also gave some to my girlfriend, which again, why wouldn’t I? So during my deployment, my girlfriend submitted one of those pictures to a website that was compiling military pictures of deployed members. My mother threw such a fit that she went to the page admin asking them to remove the pictures because they were submitted illegally. Let’s be clear on this, I had the pictures taken I was given the rights to them by the photographer, I gave the pictures away for us, and they were used by the person I gave them too…. Not real sure that I understand that one. Now this next part may or may not be true, I have not found out for sure. But according to my mother, she then contacted the family friend that took the pictures and told this person what was done and that person was angry that their pictures were used, however I don't believe that they really were angry. I only have a problem with this because that person was a new friend, and they did me a great favor by taking those pictures, and I would never have intended to hurt them. The fact that so many people were brought into that situation was ridiculous and was nothing more than my mother throwing a temper tantrum.
I have asked on many occasions for my mother to stop posting things on social media and bashing me and my wife. Of course it has not stopped. There was one time specifically that I had asked all parties to stop posting anything to let things calm down. This worked for a couple of days. In a conversation I had with my mother she had told me, and promised me that she had, and would stop. The next day I learned that she had not stopped and continued posting and saying things. When I called her out on it, she was of course angry, and then refused to speak with me. At that point my dad got involved. While I had explained that mom had posted things and started problems again, and it was very easy to prove this but yet he and my mother insisted that they did nothing wrong. And this is where I can lead into the venting against my dad.
First off, I feel sorry for my dad, I really do. He is stuck in a bad spot and I understand that, but he also has no spine. He did wonderful things for me growing up, he was the best dad, and taught me a lot. He stepped in when I had no dad and became the best dad out there. But in this current situation, he has to stand behind his wife, and has done little to nothing to get her under control, even at times when he knows I am right and he knows that his wife is causing a majority of the issues he backs her up and thinks it is ok. That is not the way I remember him. He has lost his spine and can do nothing to keep her in line and can do nothing to be the man in the situation and fix things. 9 times out of 10 he just stays out of it and lets her do whatever she wants. This is not a blanket rant though. That 1 of 10 times he has said and did exactly what he should have. I feel bad for him over all because my mother has him so whipped that he will barely stand up or do anything. He once lost his temper and outside in front of viewers yelled and told me that I need to control my wife and that he will never respect her. To which I replied that he needs to control his wife, and respect is earned not given. I will protect my wife the same that he would protect his. I guess this fell on deaf ears.
I would like to point out also that although my wife has done her share in this situation that she has apologized many times, and very sincerely. My mother apologized two times, once, right after asking me, “where is that fucking bitch so I can give you what you want”. I will let you decide if that was a real apology or not. The other was before my deployment, she had apologized but her cold shoulder had not changed and within a few days she did everything again.
The hypocrisy that my mother shows is another thing that I just do not understand. On almost a daily basis she calls my wife a whore and a terrible person because of decisions in her past. However, my mother made much of the same choices with going a few steps further. She cheated on her husband with her current husband, was herself a person who slept around and even had to have an abortion in her young age because she was not ready to be a mother. Yet she constantly bashed my wife for those things. But in all honesty, my wife never had an abortion like her, never cheated on her husband like her. While I was deployed she had accused my then girlfriend of cheating on me with an old friend of mine, who is also married. The fact that my mother claims that she is the upmost Christian but says and does the things she does blows my mind. I know I am not the best Christian man, but I also don’t claim to be. While she will say and do these things, she also is a part of the women’s ministry at church and hides her true colors from the church. However, I don’t think people are as blind and dumb as she assumes they are. She has been asked to leave churches in the past because her true colors have shown and because she has borrowed so much money from them and never paid it back.
Whether her greed for more money is the reason behind some of her actions or not, I am not sure. In the past she had borrowed money from an officer’s wife, on more than one occasion, and never paid them back. This caused her husband, the active duty military member to get into trouble. She constantly tried to get others to pay for her things and events. I remember many times growing up that she would try and get my next door neighbor to pay for things, and to borrow money from her all of the time. She would do the same to me since I have been in the military. She lives outside of her means and sadly my dad is the one who pays for it. She has not worked in many, many years. She has given a few reasons why she doesn’t work, the two that I remember most is that she can’t work because she owes too much money to the govt. so they will just take her check away, or that she is too injured and sick to work. So she relies on dad’s income. She even tried to stick me with a judgment placed against them from when her car was taken for repo. They owned a trailer in which she said I could have and live in. I placed my name on the deed with the assumption that they actually paid for it and there would be no problem. Turns out there was an $11,000 judgment placed on it, and with my name on it, they thought that I would get stuck with paying it. I then found out that the trailer itself, they never truly paid for. In fact, the person they “bought” that trailer from kicked them out of their second trailer because they did not pay rent in almost a year. At the time I was told they were getting kicked out for no reason, months later I learned the truth that they just never paid the bills. Now that they see I am in good financial standing with my job and my life, she is threatening to sue me for money that they gave me to help me when I was at rock bottom. This is money that I was very clearly told I do not have to pay back.
Her knack for gaining sympathy is over the top. Let me precede this by saying cancer is awful. I have lost many family members to it, and it is never to be taken lightly, I get this. However, some do not. The latest claim is that she has 3 types of cancer and it is killing her. Obviously this is a touchy topic and I don’t want anybody to have any type of cancer. But I have to go on some assumptions here. If you have 3 types of cancer and are dying, then you would be receiving treatment, losing weight, possibly hair, and all around you would be able to tell. She uses her pain, and headaches, and “types of cancer”, and anything else to gain sympathy and somehow it works! In my personal belief, she has a lot of things in her head, including a lot of the illnesses and she uses it as fact.
She has clearly disowned me and my sister. I have seen the things she has done to my sister and I can now see that she is doing the same to me. She had pushed boundaries and that made her lose her daughter, and at times her grandson. She has now lost her son. I can say this because it has been clearly said in social media and in person to me. So now she proudly claims that she has one son, my brother, her step son. She also will only claim one grandchild, the one that she has only ever seen once and who really has no idea who my mother is. I find it interesting because until recently, she never gave mention to, and never showed any care towards this granddaughter. And on a personal perception, she never truly gave any attention to, or cared for my brother either. This of course is just a personal belief from things the she has said and done in the past, and I do not think I am alone in that.
Another instance when I was deployed was when she had threatened to come into my house and take some items back that were given to me by other people. In fear of this I had my girlfriend take those items to my neighbor. At the time my mom and that neighbor were still friends. When my neighbor refused to give those items to my mother, she then swore this friend off. They had been friends for easily 10+ years. But the fact that my neighbor stood up to my mother caused such an unrepairable rift.
Speaking of coming into my house, during a time that I was in Atlanta with my future in-laws, my parents asked to come into the house to "look at my cameras". Foolishly I said that’s ok but I had my doubts. Turns out, instead of going to look at my cameras, they snooped around the house, looking for information on my wife, including going through her things and personal folders with her documents. They then took this information to do a background check. When I called them out on this both my mom and dad lied to me about it, and continued to do so until I was able to prove it to them.
As an adult I can look back at things from my past and my childhood and my eyes are opened up. I can look back at different events and see how controlling my mother tried to be, and was very successful for a long time. She feels the need to control everything and if she doesn’t, and you if you against her, then you become an enemy. I can look back to some friends that I have lost because of her, and the things I missed out on because of this, and I hate to say how gullible I was to her mind games, manipulation and her controlling ways. Even back to my high school years I can now see how blind I used to be and how much she controlled me. In fact for a very brief period she went to counseling to try and help with this, and many other issues, mainly though to help with her situation with my sister. This lasted one, maybe two sessions. She stopped going because the therapist told her to stop what she was doing to make things worse, stop blasting people on social media, stop trying to control everything, stop making things worse. My mother did not accept this answer and felt that she was doing nothing wrong, and so she stopped going.
She is still going to keep doing all of these things and more and I have accepted this, but it doesn’t make it any better. The blasting and lies on social media will continue. The manipulating and the need to control everything will continue. And I again will take the low road at some point. I have for the most part kept my mouth shut and just ignored all of her antics and I guess after this extended venting I will do the same.
Maybe the next time I decide to post I will make it more upbeat and short…. Until then,
The Meat Hammer
