Tops in Blue, Auburn and some info for your Meat Hammer loving ears

Been a while since my last blog and since a few things are on my mind I will let them out again.  I guess I will start where I left off. My mindset has improved over the last few weeks. Things are nowhere near perfect again but I know they will get better. All in the attitude I guess.

This week provided two things for me on opposite sides of the spectrum. I will start with the good. I had the opportunity to go to Tops in Blue this week.  Something I have not seen in 20 + years. The last time I saw this I believe we were stationed in Italy, and as a young guy I saw this really cute girl in the show and insisted on meeting her after. And then when we had to leave I cried, I actually cried because I didn’t want that woman to leave. Yea I know, I am awesome. This week I went for the second time, and I was once again reminded how proud I am to be a part of the Air Force. The show was amazing and funny. They did a Michael Jackson mix, Lady Gaga mix, some beat box and as they normally do some love songs. The costumes and performance was just awesome. I looked through the program and turns out there was a TSgt from Huntsville in there too. Said she graduated from Lee. So naturally I had to find her after and say hello. Pictures and videos from the show are available here and here for videos if you are interested. As they always do, at the end of the show they sang God Bless the USA. And it was so cool to see the whole room stand up. One of those moments where you get chills down your body and a tear in your eye. 

Now to the other, terrible heartbreakingly sad side of things. I have never attended Auburn University. I am nothing more than a fan. A true, All In, loving fan. And what happened this week breaks my heart. I could not imagine how I would feel if I was an actual part of the university, and not just the extended Auburn Family. For those of you who do not know, an Alabama fan, 62 yrs old, poisoned Toomers Oak. Toomers Oak is rich in Auburn tradition, and the trees are over 130 years old. For the last 50 or so years the Auburn Family would roll the trees after a victory, and that may never happen again.  I am super thankful that 2 of the last 3 years when I went for an AU game that I had the privilege to take part in that tradition before it was so rudely  taken away from us. I have seen both sides of Bammers this week over the situation. A few have been complete tools about it, and cheer this man on. They think he did a great thing, but thankfully, there are still Bammers with class who are prideful fans and feel pain for the trees. I even had a few of my Bama fans say war eagle in support of the trees. I am no hippie, but I pray for the healing of Toomers Oak.

I started my position with the Guard last week.  Great things are coming from that, and there is still a slight chance of it becoming active. I miss putting on my uniform every day.  I also get the chance next week to see Linkin Park for the 5^th time, and I am uber stoked about it. I will leave for the show right after my dumb hippie class on Friday morning. Other things have been going on that I am just not ready to get into again but surely they shall come sometime in the future. Until then, War Treegle!

The Meat hammer

The Quiet Things That Noone Ever Knows

The quiet things that no one ever knows… there are so many things. 

It has been an extremely stressful past couple weeks so I intend to throw it all out right now, and then force myself to buck up and get over it.  So in no real order, and with no reason to the next paragraph or two, cover your face cause here it comes

The VA is probably the second worst thing next to the DMV. Scratch that, just as bad if not worse. No sense to be made with their lack of payment to me. I am a poor dude trying to make it through things. And I rely on that 738$ at the start of the month.  Well to add on to stress they decided to blow me off for some reason. That includes me sitting on hold for 2 hours today. Money is only the start. I have 2$ sittin in my account right now. Should be more but my job decided that I didn't really need to work the last week and a half. And don’t even bother calling to talk to someone about it, or calling for hours because you will just get the BS speech about being PT not FT. Well no crap, I was not asking for 40 hours num nuts I was asking for some. I am awesome at my job and do more work than half the full time people there. I can think of a handful of people that do the same amount or more than I do. I wanna throw up my hands at it, why should I put forth all my effort when they just slap me in the face. That said, my last check was 200$. Not enough for anything. So now here I am at the start of the month and owe a total of 985$ within a week. No GI Bill money, no paycheck. What to do? It damn near broke my heart when I drove to the pawn shop this morning to pawn my guitars for a month. Tears in my eyes that I had to do that, and the douchebag offered me 150$ for 2 of them, an Ibanez and Austin. Obviously I couldn’t do that. School is somewhat stressful, but we all know that, cant complain too much. Except for my dumb hippie class I have on Friday. No, I don’t want to help my community, no, I don’t feel like giving up a day to help the sick and homeless animals, no I don’t want to go feed the hungry. Not that I don’t care about that stuff because I do, but its not my calling. I don’t have that urge to go to that. And yes, America is the best country, and yes, we always will be and yes every country hates us because of it. Get over it hippies. Then there is the issues from the past, I am still over the top infuriated about idiotic choices and the blindness of people. Your wedding wont last more than 2 years don’t waste your time. My old man got laid off, which is total BS because I got a lot of my work ethic from him, and I know he is one of the best at his job, but because of contract politics they got rid of him. Now with all of this other stuff that he has been through the last few months, lets add another brick shall we? I think the only highlight of the last few weeks was playing guitar with my nephew singing the ABC song for an hour. I need that kid here with me everyday. All of this has added up on me and its very rare that I cant handle stress. But I have been very short with my family here at the house, with my other friends as well. And then…. Somebody said something tonight.

I went to a new house church tonight because of my school schedule.  Glad I did. At the end of the night a friend from church told us about her mom and a battle with breast cancer, and she lost it. Her husband finished the story, and when asking for prayer they didn’t ask for her to be healed. They didn’t ask for God to remove the cancer. They didn't ask for a miracle, they only asked for understanding, patience and acceptance for whatever happens. They didn’t want prayers about her mom, or them for what they will go through. They simply wanted to accept what God was going to do. I have been praying about my situation the last few weeks and things just are not falling in place. What she said was what I needed to hear. So as I prepare to apologize to my household for the way I have been lately, and stop being a depressed fool, I throw all of this up so the big guy will catch it and make everything better. I have faith that I will get a better job that I have been applying for, and I will not have to worry about how I will pay my bills, and not worry about my family and how they will get through,  and not worry about the emotional rollercoaster we have been going through.I am not asking God to fix everything, I am asking to help me cope with his plan.

Side note now,

Things didn’t really work out with the “girl” recently but that’s alright. Back to the faith thing, after I decided to throw up my hands with searching, that same friend from church approached me and asked if I was single because she wanted me to meet someone. A church someone. This could be very good. I am all set to start with the Guard in 2 weeks which is good. Things will all fall into place I am sure. Now hopefully I will get more than 3 hours of sleep for once and stop being so grumpy.

And now you know the quiet things that no one ever knows.

The Meat Hammer