The quiet things that no one ever knows… there are so many things.
It has been an extremely stressful past couple weeks so I intend to throw it all out right now, and then force myself to buck up and get over it. So in no real order, and with no reason to the next paragraph or two, cover your face cause here it comes
The VA is probably the second worst thing next to the DMV. Scratch that, just as bad if not worse. No sense to be made with their lack of payment to me. I am a poor dude trying to make it through things. And I rely on that 738$ at the start of the month. Well to add on to stress they decided to blow me off for some reason. That includes me sitting on hold for 2 hours today. Money is only the start. I have 2$ sittin in my account right now. Should be more but my job decided that I didn't really need to work the last week and a half. And don’t even bother calling to talk to someone about it, or calling for hours because you will just get the BS speech about being PT not FT. Well no crap, I was not asking for 40 hours num nuts I was asking for some. I am awesome at my job and do more work than half the full time people there. I can think of a handful of people that do the same amount or more than I do. I wanna throw up my hands at it, why should I put forth all my effort when they just slap me in the face. That said, my last check was 200$. Not enough for anything. So now here I am at the start of the month and owe a total of 985$ within a week. No GI Bill money, no paycheck. What to do? It damn near broke my heart when I drove to the pawn shop this morning to pawn my guitars for a month. Tears in my eyes that I had to do that, and the douchebag offered me 150$ for 2 of them, an Ibanez and Austin. Obviously I couldn’t do that. School is somewhat stressful, but we all know that, cant complain too much. Except for my dumb hippie class I have on Friday. No, I don’t want to help my community, no, I don’t feel like giving up a day to help the sick and homeless animals, no I don’t want to go feed the hungry. Not that I don’t care about that stuff because I do, but its not my calling. I don’t have that urge to go to that. And yes, America is the best country, and yes, we always will be and yes every country hates us because of it. Get over it hippies. Then there is the issues from the past, I am still over the top infuriated about idiotic choices and the blindness of people. Your wedding wont last more than 2 years don’t waste your time. My old man got laid off, which is total BS because I got a lot of my work ethic from him, and I know he is one of the best at his job, but because of contract politics they got rid of him. Now with all of this other stuff that he has been through the last few months, lets add another brick shall we? I think the only highlight of the last few weeks was playing guitar with my nephew singing the ABC song for an hour. I need that kid here with me everyday. All of this has added up on me and its very rare that I cant handle stress. But I have been very short with my family here at the house, with my other friends as well. And then…. Somebody said something tonight.
I went to a new house church tonight because of my school schedule. Glad I did. At the end of the night a friend from church told us about her mom and a battle with breast cancer, and she lost it. Her husband finished the story, and when asking for prayer they didn’t ask for her to be healed. They didn’t ask for God to remove the cancer. They didn't ask for a miracle, they only asked for understanding, patience and acceptance for whatever happens. They didn’t want prayers about her mom, or them for what they will go through. They simply wanted to accept what God was going to do. I have been praying about my situation the last few weeks and things just are not falling in place. What she said was what I needed to hear. So as I prepare to apologize to my household for the way I have been lately, and stop being a depressed fool, I throw all of this up so the big guy will catch it and make everything better. I have faith that I will get a better job that I have been applying for, and I will not have to worry about how I will pay my bills, and not worry about my family and how they will get through, and not worry about the emotional rollercoaster we have been going through.I am not asking God to fix everything, I am asking to help me cope with his plan.
Side note now,
Things didn’t really work out with the “girl” recently but that’s alright. Back to the faith thing, after I decided to throw up my hands with searching, that same friend from church approached me and asked if I was single because she wanted me to meet someone. A church someone. This could be very good. I am all set to start with the Guard in 2 weeks which is good. Things will all fall into place I am sure. Now hopefully I will get more than 3 hours of sleep for once and stop being so grumpy.
And now you know the quiet things that no one ever knows.
The Meat Hammer
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