Well hello there. I had written a blog a couple weeks ago but decided not to post it due to all of the emotions it would bring up in a lot of people. It was about suicide and my nephew. Yes, there is a correlation there. So instead of a full blog on that topic I decided to simply blend all kinds of things into one and slightly touch on that as well. This will be a little long, just a heads up. How about we make this a shit sandwich?
I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. It was much needed. I was able to spend lots of time with family and see some old friends as well. I had two highlights on Thanksgiving. The first was my old man. He means a lot to me, and I wonder sometimes if I am doing enough to be able to wear his name proudly. Not that I think my old man is not proud of me, but I feel like a failure sometimes. During dinner we all share what we are thankful for and it always gets emotional. When my old man mentioned me, and he said how proud he was, it was an unexplainable feeling. The second highlight was that I finally got to see and talk to my nephew. Bama has not let me see or talk to him for some time now. The day before when he called the house I was told I was not allowed to talk. On Thanksgiving he Skyped with us, and I again was told not to talk and could not be in the camera. I could only take so much of this and I lost it. Seeing that little guy and know that I cannot talk to him about made me blow a gasket. He knew I was there, and finally Bama said I could talk for a moment. Well I turned that moment into the rest of the conversation. Afterwards when Bama was thanked, she replied, it won’t happen again. What a bitch.
Second part of Bama…. I find this funny and probably always will, while others saw it as crossing the line. I had been calling nonstop to talk to my nephew and sending texts to try and talk to him. I never got a reply. Well again, I can only take so much so I decided to spam text Bama. A few hundred texts later I pissed everyone off. Some stuff was said and got a little out of hand. None the less, I got a good laugh. I also learned the 2 reasons why she does not let me talk to him… not going to mention them specifically. But I will say this…. the first she was not satisfied with my bullshit apology, second is because she must be blind or not know how to read and now says I said something I did not. Even though it is in text form and anyone can read what was said, she will insist that she is right.
Let’s make this as short as I can. My nephew saved my life, literally. When I had hit rock bottom there were 2 major things/people that kept me going. My nephew was the one that broke the mold. When I honest to God thought of ending my life, I was able to see and hold him and my life suddenly seemed perfect. I don’t know if I will ever be able to explain this to him, but I owe him my life. And the fact that Bama uses her son to get her way proves she should not be a mother.
I have a big decision to make. Bama, as I mentioned before, uses my nephew to get whatever she wants. And because we all love him so much, and want to be a part of his life, we suck it up and do what she asks. Let me make sure you grasped this…. she threatens people with never seeing or talking to her son to get her way. Really? And now it is my turn again to swallow the bullet. I have a real hard time doing this because all it does is fuel her “power” and tells her that it’s ok to do that. But if I don’t then when will I be able to talk to him again?
Now something a little more serious, I shared something this past week with my mother that I have only told 3 people in the last 18 or so years. I don’t really know the real reason why I did it. I just got to talking and it slipped, maybe subconsciously I wanted to finally get it out there, or I some reason thought it would help to explain why I am so stubborn when it comes to Bama. Maybe a little of all 3. I regret it though. Because of what it was, my mother felt responsible. I hated that she felt that way and that it made her feel guilty. Again something that I will not share here, but I will say that my mother did the best thing possible in the situation. What I confessed to her had nothing to do with her in the slightest, but because she is a mother, I think she automatically takes the blame on herself.
Have I mentioned Bama is a bitch? So I said this would be a shit sandwich so I will end with something fun. Black Friday. My mom and I wanted to get a gift for my old man. He knows it’s a big screen TV but not what size or any specifics. So we decided to go to Target at 5 on Thanksgiving and wait in line until midnight. Do you see where this is going? We were about #20 in the line at that time. By the time the store opened we were about 30ish because the group of teenager in front of us allowed their buddies to join in line. Obviously this made folks behind them, and us angry. Words were passed, many times. A target employee…. Who was a dick and at any other company probably fired for the way he handled the situation, ended up calling the cops. So, here we are around 10ish in line at Target, Black Friday, pissed off folks, and cops. Awesome. Fights almost broke out. I was kind of excited. Well by the time the store opened I, the careless dick that I am pushed my way to the second person in line at the door. I was the 3rd person to grab the TV. It was fun.
My trip home overall was great; I stocked up on Auburn Christmas stuff, and saw lots of friends and family. I look forward to doing it again sometime. Stay tuned for another adventure of the Meat Hammer. Merry Christmas,
-The Meat Hammer
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