Happy>Sad

So when I started this thing, it was to release anger and thoughts without confronting a person and causing face to face issues. A way to release things, but as of late it has become more of me just venting about my life and random stupid crap. Well this one is no different. And no, I have not forgotten about my last blog, I have it ready just been too lazy to post it…. It will be up soon.

Once again I am going to dive into myself here. I was asked tonight at work, why am I always so happy. At the time I simply said what’s the point of being unhappy? Then I got to thinking about it, and the answer was pretty simple.

I had a shitty younger years. Not as bad as some but not the best. When I was a wee lad my folks got divorced. My mom moved back to the states, I stayed with the bastard. While I was there, the dumb ass decided I was a ventilation tool, a punching bag if you will. Now, my child abuse was not near as bad as others that I know of, but it certainly was not easy. Most of my life has not been easy. Well I was with the bastard for about a year until my mom finally got custody of me. Turns out that whole year she was fighting like a mofo to get me back. So fast forward a bit. We moved to Alabama when I was starting 6^th grade. From 6^th up until my junior year, I was the pick on kid. I don’t think there was a day in school I was not called gay, pushed around, picked on, shoved, and made fun of in some way. I was not having an easy go. I have thought back to this many times to try and find out why, and the best reason I can think of is I didn’t like a popular boy and said so, this made me a target… I think. Any ways so the next 6 years of school I got into fights--- beat up--- and all of that bully stuff that everyone is so worried about now. To them I say suck it up kid, it makes you stronger. Even my senior year this took place, although not as much, everyone seemed to start growing up by then.

                Funny thing is, now most of those people I talk to on Facebook, and it is like nothing happened, which is the way I like it. I do not expect or want an apology from any of them; if they ever did I would tell them to no mention it, the past is the past. As I will get to, I am thankful for my shitty childhood.

Right after high school I joined the Air Force. And although I love it, and would jump to defend her, and tell everyone I know to join, it was not an easy transition. I had hard times then too. As most members, I deployed to Iraq. This is never an easy thing, but at my young age, going over the holiday season, Thanksgiving and Christmas was hard. And I turned 21 there, who knew you could not get trashed in Iraq? Also during my time in the Air Force I lost people close to me. When I was young I worked for my next door neighbor. The man that lived there meant a lot to me too. We shared stories, he gave advice… and even though he had his vices, he was an important figure to me. I loved him. While I was away in the military he got real sick and died. I did not even get to say good bye. I did not get to go home after his death. This was hard. When I did go home, I had the honor to spread some of his ashes around his tree…. That tree grew more than it ever did before that year.

There was a time where I cared about my sister. When she called and told me she got knocked up I needed to be home and could not. I even missed my nephew’s birth, which will always haunt me after getting to know him. God that kid means the world to me.

But I think my worst years of my almost 27 has happened over the last 2 years. I hit beyond rock bottom, I lost two grandparents that I loved so very much. I always told them I was going to visit them and never did. My old man also lost his daughter, whom he just started to get to know. He then lost his uncle. He is a strong man…. And he made me a happy person.

My whole family has pretty much lost my nephew, a grandson, and who knows if we will ever really get him back. Some members of the family say they lost my sister too, a daughter and a granddaughter. For me, I don’t really feel I lost a sister, does not faze me. I have been in the mix of all of this pain. Watching my parents suffer tears me apart. My old man has been laid off more than Ted Bundy masturbated.

So you see, I have plenty to not be happy about in life.  Now let me explain to you why I am. What’s the point of not being happy right? My old man is a strong man, and he has taught me to be strong. I remember, and always will, when I hit rock bottom, I called my old man screaming, crying and lost. His response? To tell me about a live action smurfs movie and how dumb it is. This made me laugh. See he may not have intended this, but he taught me to laugh off bad things. When I lost my grandparents, like very man would, I had my breakdown. I cried. Shortly after I laughed. I told Shanarchy that she owes me dinner, when she asked why, I replied because I lost grandma, that equals dinner. I know this is bad, but it works for me. I laugh at things I should not to get over them. The Air Force also taught me to not be a sensitive PC pansy like most of society. I have thick skin.

All of these bad things made me stronger. It made me realize that when something goes wrong, it could always be worse. It also taught me that if I just sit around and be depressed about it instead of doing something about it, it only gets worse. I have my bad days, everyone does, but those days are exactly that a day maybe two, then I am back.

I am a happy guy, a glass overflowing outlook. It takes a lot to bring me down and I am proud of that.

Thank you immature kids in school, thank you bastard for beating me and mentally fucking me up, thank you Air Force, because of you I am a great man. Dare I say better than those who made me who I am. I know I am better than one of them for sure (also will soon out-rank the dumbass) Having a shitty life made me a happy man.

So when I heard about bullies, and depressed people all I can think about is how weak those people are. The kid that gets pushed around… smile damnit, you’re alive. You have at least one friend, we always do. Get a job, learn that you can be happy single, your life is not that bad, and if you think it is do something about it. I have zero sympathy.

I am leaving to happily enjoy my day and what little free time I have… because even though I have little, it could be none.

The Meat Hammer