Soul Searching------ this can suck

Soul searching is something that nobody likes to do, but is required from time to time. Normally when you do some soul searching, you face things about yourself that you hate, and very few things that you like. The point of it all is to do more of the good, and change the bad. Sometimes you are just looking for some kind of answer. Well I recently did some soul searching myself and I discovered I do a lot of things that would be viewed as bad things.

I have done a lot of things that I should not be proud of...

I convinced an ex girlfriend that cheated on me with my best friend that I still loved her and we should get back together. I took her out to a nice dinner, got a hotel room, took her back, had my way with her, then when she fell asleep I left her there with no car and no money.

I have stolen things in the past; I download music, movies and software.

I have been rude to complete strangers, and probably made them cry when they got home alone.

Recently a girl asked me what I was looking for in a relationship, I told her I am looking for someone who will not eat my first born and told her to join a gym.

I hold grudges against a few people. I will never forgive my biological father. I despise him. I hate my sister and will never have any sort of relationship with her again. There are others that have done me wrong, used me, and just treated me badly that I wish bad things upon.

I have what I think is one of the best sense of humors around, but others view me as racist, sexist, rude, improper, uncaring, unsympathetic, wrong, hateful, and have no soul. I have made religious jokes, abortion jokes, murder jokes, and probably all way too soon after an even happens. I die laughing.

I have used many women. I have told women that I love them just so they would sleep with me. I have had women cheat on their significant other with me.

I have used many other people. I have treated people badly, took them for granted, lied to them, and walked over them and disrespected them. I have thrown them under the bus to make myself look better.

I have broken many laws, and cheated in school.

I have offended more people than I can count, and I enjoy it.

I have laughed at mentally ill people, extremely obese people, people who walk funny, people with a gunt, and the styles that black people wear.

I let a friend take a ticket for me when I was cutting doughnuts in the school yard.

I have sexually assaulted waitresses and random girls at a bar by smacking their ass.

I have met/seen people that are so stupid that I think it should be illegal to let them live. Where is natural selection?

I have “stolen” money from previous jobs by saying I was at work a few minutes earlier or later than I was.

You do a soul search to look for something. And sometimes, many times you find something you were not looking for. You learn a lesson and you feel revitalized after. This case was no different.

After some extensive soul searching, I did discover something about myself…

I am AWESOME.

The Meat Hammer